welcome from outerspace

welcome me from outer space through the desert and into the greenness of my own backyard. I am feeling blessed in spite of all i've been through. i am feeling free although i was chained in shackles once and only dreamed of the concept of freedom. i used to look for a modern day harriet tubman to help me chart the course. tried to follow the drinking gourd on my own, but it didn't work. because my mind was chained and only my God could set it free. i am blessed. (can you tell i was listening to my sister jill scott this morning?)

where i had been torn, mutilated, i am now whole. i am blessed.

people i didn't know used to come up to me and say, "it can't be that bad." i would give a little smile knowing it was much worse than they could ever suspect. i would also think how dare they trespass into my personal sadness, extreme depression.

i used to be afraid that i would be forever psychologically damaged by the level of depression i lived with. (this was back in '84) until i went to a wynton marsalis concert and he played some notes that made me shed tears and i thought at least one person experienced that level, there must be more. i was in my 20s so i was still very self-absorbed.

now, i know that those days only reinforce my new found Joy and only serve to make me a knowingly stronger person for having gone through that very, very long period, because...i survived. and now i can only say God has blessed me.

my mother and father and brother are very positive people. i used to think that they were very naive. but, that was the depression talking. my father always loved the song that says, "God has smiled on me, He has set me free. God has smiled on me, He's been good to me."

i  used to think that was easy for him to say. he and my mother rose from the jim crow south to an upper middle class lifestyle. but now i know it's deeper than that. i'm sure they give God the credit for giving them the strength, insight and fortitude to manuveur into the position they came to know as home. so, there is depth there. and though i never picked cotton (my father said this solely gave him the motivation to leave alabama and go to college), i definitely understand adversity. and, i feel the depth associated with that song.

some call us a family of black nerds, but we don't care. we are happy with each other. we feel blessed to be here. and i for one feel blessed to be a part of the armstrong/thomas experience (it goes deeper than just the nuclear family). i guess that's where i get my persistence and hard headedness from.