invisible and invincible

You may think of the two terms in the title as oxymoronic. They are. But they can still coexist. I was invisible for 25 years. I sat in public places alone, entertaining my voices (not out loud), laughing. Looking back, I know people looked; raised an eyebrow. But, I was oblivious. Because I felt invisible. I didn't care and couldn't imagine anyone caring about me or why they would. (illness will do this for you) Invisible.

Now, I am about 8 on the wellness scale. I still go out alone if I want to. I eat alone. I go to coffeehouses and write alone. I will go to the movies alone. Anything I want to do I do, if there's no one to come along or it's spontaneous. I go it alone, even though I now know I am not invisible. I don't care. Twenty-five years of psychosis trained me well. Although now, I feel I am invincible. I have come back to life. I have recovered.

I was reminded of this by a man I saw in Panera. I could tell right away he had problems. I saw myself.


we know us
(when we see us)

walkin around like a
ghost
in a public place
alone
can't sit still
outside/inside/outside/inside
putting little papers in the trash
intermittently
probably thinks he's invisible
'cause
he doesn't see us
i can look back
and see me
want to save someone
but don't want to scare them
telling them of
the road ahead
he was
refractory
or at the beginning
of a psychiatric journey

someone probably dropped
him off
thinking
it'll be good for him

but he doesn't mind
he's invisible

and i am
frequently alone in public places
doesn't bother me
psychosis and invisibility prepared me for it
now
i am invincible
i have recovered from a mental illness


By the way, I saw him later at the office where I see my therapist.