can't go on without making this clear

I grew up believing in Christianity, however, there was a time I believed in God only in the Universal sense. But, like the Bible says,"Train up a child in the way he should go...." I had to come back to Christ. This poem I wrote about four years ago about that time in my life follows:

looking for Jesus ( and finding Him)

i was runnin in the dark
and i thought
if I could just get to Jesus

so I started callin His Name
and
i shouted
Jesus

(sometimes i see myself
at 19
and i start to cry
there is nothing i can tell
that jacquese
to prepare her
for what i've been through
better to leave her dumb to it)

the tears pour down in
frustration and overcome emotion
it seems as if
i have lost my life

and there is only One
to help this situation
this runnin in the dark

Jesus
He is the Light
He is my only chance
then...and now

to know this
to know that i know that i know
this
is the only good thing
to come out of this insanity trip
that
and the fact that
i came through on the other side
seemingly whole
but only because of Jesus

I thought I was cool believing in God only in the Universal sense. That way i only had to deal with meditations, Universal Minds and Positive energy, not the blood that Jesus shed or the Body that was tortured and then rose. Funny but these are the things that in the end give me Hope. Jesus was obedient to His Father until death. He didn't want to be nailed to a Cross, but He did it for us and because His Father deemed it His Will. If Jesus chose to endure this Pain, then who am I to complain. I mean, I think that God has valid reasons for everything that takes place on Earth. He has it all worked out for our Good. We are the prodigal sons.

I still believe in the universality of God, but only to augment my Christian way of life. When I write I use the Universal sense because I want to be respectful of other's choices. God did give us Free Will. (He's so Holy like that.).  I just hope that my Christian brothers and sisters can understand this.

My pastor today reminded me of a book I read by Maya Angelou, "wouldn't take nothin for my journey now." I guess I can understand that now. You get to a place where things just seem brighter and brighter. And you wonder how you got there, feeling as destitute and suicidal everyday as you did. And the old preacher's say, "my soul looks back in wonder." And you know, that Jesus carried you, just as God intended.