a bit about "wellness and recovery"

In my opinion, everyone is recovering and on the road to what they call wellness. Everyone has their own definition of wellness and it may change from time to time.

I, as a person with a mental illness, am no different. As a child through the beginning of young adulthood, my wellness hinged upon my level of maturity whether physical or philosophical. Unfortunately, this process was interrupted by a mental illness called schizo-affective disorder.

This brought a new spectrum to my thoughts of "wellness and recovery." Suddenly, things I took for granted became goals to achieve. There were some losses I can never recover. I felt that I lost my identity as an intelligent successful young adult in the world. All of a sudden, I was a child again because this was something new to deal with. I had to be able to learn to reasonably master growth in the environment called mental illness.

My first goal was to get back to college and finish my engineering degree. It was my belief that once I did this, I would be okay. I was in denial for a very long time.

This was my first kick in the teeth. Before  the onset of the illness, I was a B average student in chemical engineering. Upon my re-entrance I made 2 F's and a D (my first F's ever). Clearly I was no longer suited for this career path. Many more kicks followed (they are detailed in my memoir). I'm still here 29 years later, so I guess  you could assume I picked myself up, sometimes not speedily, but every time. After the first kick, I changed my major to journalism. It took me six more years to finish a B.A., because of the revolving door between school and the hospital.

What I should have done was lower my expectations so that I could experience the success of completing goals again. However, I kept the same yardstick I measured myself with before my illness for a very long time. Consequently, I kicked my own butt. I wrote about apologizing to that very fragile newly ill Jacquese in my memoir.

A healthy recovery sets small achievable goals. This promotes a satisfactory state of wellness in stages for the individual (in my opinion).

I now set achievable goals and am much happier. This was jump-started by finding the right meds. When we found the right meds and they started to work I was ecstatic and on a high for two years. There was only one voice in  my head and it was mine and I was sure it was mine. I no longer beieved that people could read my mind. I can't describe the level of comfort and relief I felt. This was four years ago.

Four years later, I am meeting career goals and objectives once again. Of course I am now middle-aged, but I try not to let that bother me (I'm going to be a young 50 in October). I am a peer support specialist, something I have been interested in doing for about 4 years. And, I have learned something, partially from Einstein. Success is relative and so is "wellness and recovery."