Happy Mother's Day "Mother Dear"

I went to do a presentation today even though I am in the midst of yet another crisis...I felt good about it though...It restored my sense of me...I am a fighter...I will not lay down...ever.

I may not have beat this thing, but on the flip side, it has not beat me. Nor will it ever. There is always Hope...I believe that. I may be at wit's end at the moment and a door may have been shut in my face, perhaps a couple, but God's gonna open a window so that I can breathe.

That's what I hate most about being in the psychiatric hospital. There are so many people with no hope. And, while I truly understand their pain, I can't commiserate with them. Negative thoughts are the enemy. I have to guard against them daily. Since I'm living in Jersey, I have to fight them.

My mother's day poem might explain my resilient nature...This is for you Mom...with a nod to Langston Hughes...Happy Mother's Day...

daughter to mother

i watched you cautiously

along a weary time for me

climbing

              always

                          climbing

didn’t matter what kind of stair

crystal wooden steel cement

even saw  you construct  your own

and if you slowed

a little

i could still see  you climb

and then you told me

how they denied you stairs once

so you cast a balloon to the sky

to get to your destination

you’re still climbing

(and they ask me

  why i’m so resilient)

jaa 2/27/13

 

This poem came about because they asked me in the hospital why I'm so resilient. This was my answer on paper.