was set on freedom...
To route all the negativity from your life is a hard thing to do. It is a tedious and tiring task. It is a daily grind. But, every morning I must remind myself to do it. It is not a choice for me. Negativity is like the devil; it preys on minds like mine. I can't afford the luxury and hipness of cynicism, which is the sophisticated form of negativity. It is so sleekly disguised that most forget that's what it is.
Freedom is always what I strive for. Freedom from dis-ease. I long to have everything on an even keel. This freedom quest has always moved me forward. It's a fight I can handle because my many ancestors fought and died for freedom of another form. But freedom none the less. This has been my battle cry ever since I started to actively fight this thing. I used to say to myself that if my ancestors could make it through slavery (evidenced by the fact that I am here) and my grandparents and parents could survive jim crow in alabama, surely I can make it through a mental illness. And this became my sojourn, my mantra for dealing with my mental illness.
I have felt that I am too sophisticated for that now. I have felt that I am lacking in vision. I have felt that since my voice often stands alone, that maybe Fights don't matter. But still, I can't seem to forget my history and that of my family's.
My mother and father attended HBCUs in the south. When they finished their educational journeys, my mother had a master's as a reading specialist and my father a doctorate in polymer chemistry. All this they accomplished with "separate but equal" schooling at the start. They have now in the last phases of their careers come back to give to the HBCU tradition. They both teach at a small HBCU.
My grandmothers and grandfathers did all they could to encourage their offspring to get through college. It wasn't easy for both of my parents. They had to work more than one job and play catch up besides. And, my grandparent's worked every job they could find; all were the original "multi-taskers."
When I look back on this rich history that I have. I get angry. I get angry that all had to go through what they went through. Just as I sometimes get angry that I have to go through this and work so hard just to breathe. I wonder if all americans had to overcome as much adversity as we as African-Americans have overcome, would our country still be standing? (that's for you to ponder and answer)
However, I have decided not to dwell on anger and hate, and this is not the first time. I do get worked up on this subject. And, my anger is insurmountable. I often ponder at a resolution because some of my brothers and sisters are still waiting in the wings for their "taste" of freedom. At this point, I have given it to God, but in return, I have picked up on the "good fight" again. It's all i know...."songs of freedom...redemption songs...songs of freedom..." (bob marley)
(won’t
you) help me sing
trees don’t noticethe thunder and lightening
they just fall
when struck
we have given our all and all
and are continuously set up for a fall
and yet
we still exist
strong
He must have a plan for us
we have built this country from scratch
and watchers
never call us anything but lazy
He must
have a plan for us
no one could live without the
inventions and innovations
we have designed
and yet they boast
our intelligence level is less
than most
He must have a plan for us
our every creative endeavor is
either used by advertising
or shared or taken over
and yet it is said that we
are not to the right of the bell shaped
curve
naturally
He must have a plan for us
they are building jails
based on the numbers of those of us
who drop out weary from the fight
no plan of redemption from a system that
over the years has
catapulted our communities into their
worst fears
but God has a plan
marley
sang redemption songs
all he ever had
songs of freedom
freedom
a much used word
in this society
the ancestors of those who enslaved
complain of chains economic now
makes no distinction until it comes down
to the color of skin...
and yet God has a plan
i am not the Universe’s Mind
i can’t know what will go on before me
but i know my Father has a plan of
Redemption
that will see Time right wrongs
so i continue to sing
songs of history
so that none will forget
songs of freedom
so that none will lose Hope
shed light on insanity
to free you and me
from slavery of mind
won’t you... help me sing...?
the river widens
and it narrows
suffers from drought
and delugebut it keeps on flowing
and so do we...
jacquese
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