Tuesday, May 28, 2013

i woke up this morning...

...i woke up this morning and my mind
was set on freedom...

To route all the negativity from your life is a hard thing to do. It is a tedious and tiring task. It is a daily grind. But, every morning I must remind myself to do it. It is not a choice for me. Negativity is like the devil; it preys on minds like mine. I can't afford the luxury and hipness of cynicism, which is the sophisticated form of negativity. It is so sleekly disguised that most forget that's what it is.

Freedom is always what I strive for. Freedom from dis-ease. I long to have everything on an even keel. This freedom quest has always moved me forward. It's a fight I can handle because my many ancestors fought and died for freedom of another form. But freedom none the less. This has been my battle cry ever since I started to actively fight this thing. I used to say to myself that if my ancestors could make it through slavery (evidenced by the fact that I am here) and my grandparents and parents could survive jim crow in alabama, surely I can make it through a mental illness. And this became my sojourn, my mantra for dealing with my mental illness.

I have felt that I am too sophisticated for that now. I have felt that I am lacking in vision. I have felt that since my voice often stands alone, that maybe Fights don't matter. But still, I can't seem to forget my history and that of my family's.

My mother and father attended HBCUs in the south. When they finished their educational journeys, my mother had a master's as a reading specialist and my father a doctorate in polymer chemistry. All this they accomplished with "separate but equal" schooling at the start. They have now in the last phases of their careers come back to give to the HBCU tradition. They both teach at a small HBCU.

My grandmothers and grandfathers did all they could to encourage their offspring to get through college. It wasn't easy for both of my parents. They had to work more than one job and play catch up besides. And, my grandparent's worked every job they could find; all were the original "multi-taskers."

When I look back on this rich history that I have. I get angry. I get angry that all had to go through what they went through. Just as I sometimes get angry that I have to go through this and work so hard just to breathe.  I wonder if all americans had to overcome as much adversity as we as African-Americans have overcome, would our country still be standing? (that's for  you to ponder and answer)

However, I have decided not to dwell on anger and hate, and this is not the first time. I do get worked up on this subject. And, my anger is insurmountable. I often ponder at a resolution because some of my brothers and sisters are still waiting in the wings for their "taste" of freedom. At this point, I have given it to God, but in return, I have picked up on the "good fight" again. It's all i know...."songs of freedom...redemption songs...songs of freedom..." (bob marley)



(won’t you) help me sing
trees don’t notice
the thunder and lightening
they just fall
when struck


we have given our all and all

and are continuously set up for a fall

and yet

we still exist

strong

He must have a plan for us

 

we have built this country from scratch

and watchers

never call us anything but lazy

He must  have a plan for us

 

no one could live without the

inventions and innovations

we have designed

and yet they boast

our intelligence level is less

than most

He must have a plan for us

 

our every creative endeavor is

either used by advertising

or shared or taken over

and yet it is said that we

are not to the right of the bell shaped curve

naturally

He must have a plan for us

 

they are building jails

based on the numbers of those of us

who drop out weary from the fight

no plan of redemption from a system that

over the years has

catapulted our communities into their

worst fears

but God has a plan

 

marley

sang redemption songs

all he ever had

songs of freedom

 

freedom

a much used word

in this society

the ancestors of those who enslaved

complain of chains economic now

makes no distinction until it comes down

to the color of skin...

 

and yet God has a plan

 

i am not the Universe’s Mind

i can’t know what will go on before me

but i know my Father has a plan of Redemption

that will see Time right wrongs

 

so i continue to sing

songs of history

so that none will forget

songs of freedom

so that none will lose Hope

shed light on insanity

to free you and me

from slavery of mind

won’t you... help me sing...?

 

the river widens
and it narrows
suffers from drought
and deluge

but it keeps on flowing

and so do we...

jacquese


 


No comments:

Post a Comment