Today is an ordinary day

The man said he made a living out of releasing the "insanity" in his head. He is an entrepreneur with 6 businesses and looks to be about my age, also African-American. He was candid about his bout with mental illness early in his life.

I love to hear a speaker like this. Although he spoke briefly as he received an award, his candor hit me. I knew where he was coming from. I have had so many hair-brained schemes and I am about to give up and think that it's all a big fantasy job I'm doing on my head. But, there is hope. Maybe some of my "insanity" can be released and make a career for myself. I still long to fully support myself.

At  the luncheon, they were talking about work being an integral part of recovery and up until the end of January, I would have been engrossed in every conversation. But, today, I'm feeling the pain of another "failure." I had to get out of the luncheon before it was over. I used to have a happy ending message. But today is an ordinary day, just like the one before it. And I am working on my wellness, but I haven't an idea where I will go from here.

I just wrote in a poem that I can't know what will go on before me. I am not the Universe's Mind. But, my Father will right all wrongs in His Time. I have to trust.

I have no more to say. today is an ordinary day.


release the insanity (it's a positive thing)

and so
in the beginning
you get all these seeds in your brain
and only the ones you nurture
come to fruition...

i release my inner self to laugh
i release my inner self to Love
i release my inner self to pray
i release my inner self to stay
whole
in this bitch of a life i live
but it goes on
and the Bible tells me
this too shall pass
and so i hold my well worn string
tied to Hope and pray
i have the ability to do the long haul thing

and so
in the beginning...

i actually thought i would beat
this thing
first by thinking through it
next by working through it
i'm still waiting for a break
in the weather
so i can get across the street

and so in the beginning
you get all these seeds
in your brain...

and some times they are delusions
and hallucinations that you
can't distinguish from reality

and so
in the beginning
you get all these seeds in your brain
and only the ones you nurture
come to fruition...

so
what if you nurture
the delusions and hallucinations?

how do i make a positive out of a
no win situation?...

trust in the Lord and lean not to your own
understanding in all thy ways acknowledge Him
and He will direct thy path...


o win situation.