some words about my Maker

My pastor reminded me why I chose to be a Peer Support Specialist. I want to help those who are standing in the same place I once stood. He said that those who have made their way through the wilderness have an obligation to guide others still in. Of course, I'm a Christian.

I feel that I serve a benevolent God who is always there if I need Him, but it took me a long time to get to the place where I could accept Spiritually what happened to me, in the prime of my life and lasted all of my prime. I sometimes think of how well off I would be financially if I was allowed to steer my course. I had finished 2 1/2 successful years in chemical engineering. I found it hard to accept for a long time that God had another plan. Also, I still grieve because of the psychological pain I have experienced.

My thoughts and actions implied that I was the Supreme Being though. As younger people say, I had to recognize. I had to recognize that in the scheme of things I am a grain of sand. But then also, in God's scheme, I am His child. And, He is concerned about my welfare and only lets me bear as much as I can. He gave me a father and mother who cared for me for decades when I was incapacitated mentally. I'm sure that I was a financial burden. but they stayed by my side.

I have a brother that is a friend and an extended family who give support and some who constantly "have my back." Also, I have gotten to know my parents as people and that would not have happened if I had finished college sane like I wanted to, felt I had a right to.

I had to recognize that everything negative and evil in the world is of the devil. There is no other way to see it. God delivered me in His time. Some of my agnostic friends would say I should be angry. And I was for a time. But, I have grown Spiritually and have come to realize that perhaps I could be of help to someone else and that God's time is not mine. "He may not come when you want Him, but He's always right on time."

My grandparents told me at the beginning of my illness that this was God's Will for me and that I have to accept it. I thought they were crazier than I was at the time. But, I was not Spiritually mature enough to receive what they were saying to me. I would have suffered much less had I accepted my illness right away and submitted myself before the presence of God, the Supreme Being. If I had humbled myself, a lot of my problems would not have been so manifested.

Now, don't get me wrong, I grew up in the Church. But, it is one thing to go to Church and another thing to begin to  understand the Master's plan for you in your life. He is your Creator, your Maker and it is His Plan that has to play out.

Just a word I thought I'd pass along. Of course, when I'm working, I can't approach spirituality from a purely Christian point of view. And, some poeple are agnostic. But, I always want to ask a person if they believe in a Higher Power. This makes the illness so much easier to accept. If you believe in a Higher Power, then you accept your illness within the confines of His Plan.