This is my first attempt to blog. As I let you know upfront, I am trying to get a book published. It is one that documents my long road back from 25 years of psychosis because I was refractory (no medications would work until 2005, I had my first psychotic break in 1981). I have a thought disorder, Schizo-affective disorder.
Schizo-affective disorder is basically for me Schizopherenia and BiPolar wrapped up into one. And, no it is not a multiple personality disorder for those who don't know. Not only do I get the mood swings, I was delusional and heard voices. I had been trying to live my life over the past 29 years, but those 25 really set me back. I feel as if I spent that time in a coma. I am facing life for the first time as a fully functioning adult.
I want to use my story to inspire those who are still struggling and tending towards losing hope. If you're going to be here, you may as well fight. Don't give up. I gave up one time, this is how it went down in the spiritual realm.
convention
the day the council convened
i was puking black
in a steel cold hospital pan
they looked at each other
in disbelief
how did it come to this?
that is the day
they banded together
in the conciousness realm--and kicked
billie out
brought zora back
into focus
and told me of ancestors
watching over me
and how they worked
so hard
endured
so much
for me to be
yes
even with a thought disorder
'cause grandmommy told me before she left
this is God's will for your life
you have to accept it
and aunt emma
she taught me in hindsight
and grandmommy loree gave
me that unconditional love
i had to learn to apply
to myself
and they summoned zora
to help me write and work it out
and they kicked billie out
'cause she was lost in forever and no one
could really find her
as they watched the black flow
from my lips
to the steel cold pan they vowed
never again
never on my watch
so they asked God to
give me a double dose of trauma
to teach me a lesson
-jacquese
No comments:
Post a Comment