sometimes we have to revisit the past in order to appreciate the complexities of the present

I am always looking back because one, I don't want to make the same mistakes and two, I find it easier to appreciate now no matter how hard it may be for me. I don't think that I will ever have another 24 year non-stop symptomatic roll and I am thankful to Jesus for that. So, I revisit. Because even though it is tough now, I don't go through the symptoms as long. I hope you can appreciate this poem. I wrote it a couple of years ago.

 see me

by jacquese armstrong

 

see me

crouched in a corner

holding my head

wishing i could disconnect

i am crying

 

see me

walking down the street

with a hurt mind

invaded by everyone

who passes

i am crying

 

see me exfoliating faces

thinking only i know exactly

who’s behind them

 

see me

in terror because i think

someone

can read my mind

again

in terror/panic

 

see me

take the bottle of pills

because the pain

is

too much

to buy

 

see me now

fresh/dressed

no agonizing

contortions on my face

no hiding

 

you don’t see me

 

i see me

every day in the mirror

and remember the terror/the pain

of psychotic fantasies

and darkest night

longer than…

 

i cry

but then i pick up my face

the one my Father gave me

put it on

so you can see me

and i can deal with the

mirror image.