Wednesday, July 10, 2013

sometimes we have to revisit the past in order to appreciate the complexities of the present

I am always looking back because one, I don't want to make the same mistakes and two, I find it easier to appreciate now no matter how hard it may be for me. I don't think that I will ever have another 24 year non-stop symptomatic roll and I am thankful to Jesus for that. So, I revisit. Because even though it is tough now, I don't go through the symptoms as long. I hope you can appreciate this poem. I wrote it a couple of years ago.


 see me

by jacquese armstrong

 

see me

crouched in a corner

holding my head

wishing i could disconnect

i am crying

 

see me

walking down the street

with a hurt mind

invaded by everyone

who passes

i am crying

 

see me exfoliating faces

thinking only i know exactly

who’s behind them

 

see me

in terror because i think

someone

can read my mind

again

in terror/panic

 

see me

take the bottle of pills

because the pain

is

too much

to buy

 

see me now

fresh/dressed

no agonizing

contortions on my face

no hiding

 

you don’t see me

 

i see me

every day in the mirror

and remember the terror/the pain

of psychotic fantasies

and darkest night

longer than…

 

i cry

but then i pick up my face

the one my Father gave me

put it on

so you can see me

and i can deal with the

mirror image.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

a note of preparation

note: this is from a collection i'm working on with the title "for sisters who fear their own magnificence." our mothers and grandmothers started with less than not much but through faith in God, their families, their communities and churches they overcame almost all the obstacles. it is my belief that we must start to summon this spirit just to keep ourselves and our families "afloat."


preparation

by jacquese armstrong

 

and i am walking through

the jungle

my gait sober steady

i smell the humid air and know

the rains are coming

i don’t want to take shelter

the jungle needs me

 

and i am walking through the jungle

hear the thunderous roar sense

the flash of light coming next and

if it strikes it strikes

i will comfort others

i do what i can to protect my own

 

i am not alone

we are many

and many have come

before us

sojourners in these states

sojourners on the earth

harriet tubman, “the original” sojourner truth, ida b wells,

madame c j walker, mary mcloud bethune, zora neale hurston, gwendolyn brooks,

abbie lincoln, fannie lou hamer, rosa parks, bessie kyles, lena thomas, loree armstrong,

carolyn rodgers, isis originile…

their spirits mix with ours

inspire/

           color/

                    revive/

ashe, ashe

magnificent female warrior ancestors

the numbers cannot be named

strong sturdy spirits

 

and their spirits mix with ours

we cannot help

but be encouraged

have faith in our heaping spoons of

foresight and courage

we must always look to fill a  need

 

and their spirits mix with ours

we are the children

we the living

we are guards of inheritance

 

…when the Power descends

we will come together

and the sister revolution will begin

the battle fought with wit and intellect

courage and encouragement

each within our own discipline

each a part of the Universal…

 

Shine on my sister ancestors

you are only numbered

by the stars on cobalt blue

 

begin to Shine

my sisters

we are needed in the Universe

to balance the Power of Light.

 

in our natural state


in our natural state
by jacquese armstrong
 

i fell

asleep on the back of a swimming

                                 green

                      sea turtle

huge by my standards

but he rode me far away

far away from my home

 

i was in a land where

no one

had wings

especially not colorful ones

they felt constrained by their own

very presence

i thought it strange

that these creatures with so many devices

would be so sad

 

at home

we don’t own

we don’t create

we don’t think most of the time

we fly.

previously published in Blackberry: a magazine